How Eliminating Guilt Builds Self-Confidence

Posted On Jan 03, 2019

Meeting others’ expectations and rising to society’s standards create a split in you. The result of putting others needs ahead of your own is a conflict between what you like and what others like. Trying to “fit in” brings with it a sense of guilt. And guilt is an uneasy feeling that accompanies you whenever you do something that will result in disapproval of others. Eliminating this feeling requires reflecting on your early childhood.

Early conditioning teaches us to seek our parents’ approval. If you do something, your parents label it in the words: “good boy.” The child associates those two words with his behavior. Good behavior means being a “good boy.” Consequently, bad behavior will be summed up in: “bad boy.” Parents’ acceptance and praise is linked to “good” behavior; their disapproval is manifested in your bad behavior. The child seeks approval of his parents by not behaving wrongly. But it doesn’t stop there.



The unconscious manipulation passed on to adulthood and manhood. When you did something wrong, others manipulate you by saying that they have been disappointed by your behavior. Or they can be less manipulative and say that they were expecting something more of you. This creates guilt in you. But the resolution is to be more aware of the fact that you are not here on earth to meet anybody’s expectations but rather your own. Awareness will move you from a stage of the conditional labeling of society and to a stage of having your own self-confidence.

Related: The One Word That Helps You Live Life On Your Own Terms



Stand out rather fit in the mark of genuine leaders. One of those leaders is the American rapper, Kanye West. In the public eye, he is labelled as an egotistical and arrogant celebrity. Haters remind him of his bad past and humble beginnings. But West never fits in others’ disapproval of him. He never been scared to show his life and never associated himself with his past. His self-confidence drew others to follow his footsteps in the music industry.

Apart from others disapproval of him, West encourages young rappers to conquer their dreams. He kept reminding his fans of the blessing of working hard and making an impact. Unlike most rappers, he writes all of his own music. Also, he is versatile in playing many instruments and not following a particular style of music.

Related: How Being In A Dark Place Is A Blessing Not A Curse



To eliminate guilt from your life, live your life according to your own standards. The externally imposed labels from society shouldn’t prevent you from expressing yourself. This self-expression will help you gain confidence that will end the split inside you.


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About The Author

Tareq Alaghoury

Tareq Alaghoury has more than 25 years of experience in Marketing and Management. Tareq started out his marketing career in 1990 at Alkhaleejiah - a leading publishing Establishment in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Alkhaleejiah was the sole advertising representative of highly circulated and leading Newspapers and magazines in the Middle East such as Alsharq Al-Awsat Newspaper, Arab News and Sayidaty.